While most people appear to balk at the idea of adultery, statistics suggest cheating on partners is more common than you might think. According to a YouGov survey, one in five British adults admit to having an affair. Of those who have engaged in adultery, 25% have had two affairs and 20% have had more than three.
Cheating partners can be incredibly traumatising, not to mention life shattering if there’s a house, kids or business involved. If you suspect signs husband is having an affair it’s best to get to the bottom of it as soon as possible. Of course, asking him outright is sometimes the best course of action. That said, before you go down that path there are lots of giveaway signs your husband is having an affair.
Looking out for these can help you determine whether your suspicious have traction or if they’re groundless…
How do you know if your husband is having an affair?
While the signs aren’t always obvious, if you’re proactive and willing to read between the lines you can uncover valuable information. Ready to crack open your relationship? Read on for some of the tell-tale signs your partner is having an affair. While these tips are geared towards cheating husbands, they can also be flipped and used as signs your wife is having an affair.
1. You notice flirting with an acquaintance
According to YouGov survey, 43% of affairs are with friends and 38% are with colleagues. Chances are your husband’s mistress could be someone you both know. If you suspect your partner of cheating it can be helpful to stay alert at social events and work functions and watch for tell-tale signs such as flirting and flattery. Often covert couples can be so caught up in their affair they think others won’t notice the sexy glances and subtle touches.
2. Shifting moods
Moodiness (or lack of) can be a revealing sign an affair is underway. Moods that deviate from the norm are usually the best indicators. For example, if your husband usually gets home from work exhausted and grumpy but is now returning upbeat and energised, it could be a sign he’s riding the high of an affair.
3. Picking fights
Affairs can become demanding. As they progress, the other woman will start wanting more of your husband’s time. If you notice your husband picking fights it could be because he’s looking for an excuse to storm out and meet his lover.
4. Anxiety on weekends
For most couples, the weekend brings the chance to spend quality time together. Not for men engaging in affairs. They will often feel extremely torn at the weekend, when they must choose between spending time with their wives or their mistresses. Often the obligation is to stay at home, which can trigger unexplained anxiety and irritability.
5. Unjust criticism
Relationship experts explain that cheating creates a huge amount of internal tension. While your husband may have chosen to cheat, chances are he still feels incredibly guilty. As a result, men can often try to justify their actions by criticising their partners for small and inconsequential things such as the fact you’ve gained a couple of pounds, failed to wash your hair or chew your food too loudly. It’s hugely unfair on the innocent partner and can only add to the stress and trauma of dealing with an affair.
6. Your sex life is suffering
A lacklustre sex life can be one of the most common indicators of an affair. While less sex is often normal for long-term or married couples, if you’ve noticed a sharp decline or obvious change in your intimacy levels recently it could be an indicator your husband is getting their fix elsewhere. The YouGov survey revealed 32% of men engage in affairs due to dissatisfaction with their sex lives, suggesting lack of intimacy could play a major role in adulterous behaviour.
7. Intimacy has changed
While some affairs can see intimacy suffer, others can trigger an increase in the sexual appetite of a cheating partner. Engaging in sex with another woman could ramp up the testosterone levels of your partner and encourage them to seek out sex with you. You may also notice your husband getting experimental in the bedroom, a potential sign his affair is infiltrating your relationship.
8. Changes in appearance
While changes in appearance can mean your husband is embarking on a self-care quest or making an effort on your behalf, a renewed focus on aesthetics can also be indicative of an affair. Look for things like a change in clothing style, new aftershave or a newfound enthusiasm for the gym. Even subtle changes such as shaving more frequently or switching up his hairstyle can be a sign that he’s trying to impress someone else.
9. Emotional distancing
One of the biggest indicators of infidelity is a feeling of emotional distance between you and your husband. It’s difficult for anyone to be emotionally invested in two women at the same time. As a result, affairs usually lead to a sense of emotional distance between couples.
Even cheating men find it very difficult to deal with the guilt that goes hand in hand with cheating. To alleviate this guilt they will attempt to create emotional space to distance themselves from any shame and self-reproach they may be experiencing.
10. Lack of physical affection
Emotional distancing usually goes together with a lull in physical affection. Again, this is because it can help the cheating partner to justify their actions and ease guilt. If you’ve noticed your partner has stopped holding your hand, squeezing your shoulder in the kitchen, kissing you goodbye or saying ‘I love you’ it could be time to start digging deeper.
11. Meaningless conversations
Can you remember the last time you had a good heart to heart? A constant stream of meaningless and superficial conversations could suggest your husband is gravitating away from your relationship and towards another woman.
12. Guilt-driven behaviour
While some cheating husbands will become distant and unloving, others will try to overcompensate to ease their guilt. This type of behaviour can include things such as over-the-top affection, surprise gifts and showers of compliments. You don’t want to become paranoid and chastise your husband for genuine gestures of love and affection, but at the same time you don’t want to bury your head in the sand. The key is to look for changes in your husband’s usual behaviour and use these to determine if an affair is taking place.
13. Unexplained absences
Does your husband disappear for hours on the weekend or continually come home late after work? Affairs require time which is why unexplained absences can often be a big indicator of infidelity.
As private investigators in Manchester, we know the importance of times, places and the finer details. It’s easy to find out more by asking your husband where he’s been and peppering your conversation with simple enquiries about smaller details. Red flags include stumbling to answer simple questions, general anxiety and an attempt to change the subject as quickly as possible.
14. Your instinct says something is wrong
Sometimes a simple gut instinct can be so much more powerful than looking for tell-tale signs of a cheating husband. After all, you’re married to the man, which means you should have a good idea of the state of your relationship and whether something is amiss. Emotional, mental and physical clues can all be complicated and often a gut instinct is the final piece in the puzzle.
Basically, if you find yourself Googling “I think my husband is having an affair” it’s best to listen to your gut and take action.
15. A defensive attitude
Looking for easy indicators of how to tell if husband is having an affair? An increasingly defensive attitude can say a lot about the habits of your husband. Why are you asking so many questions? Does it matter whose house I was watching the football at? Why don’t you call my boss if you’re so concerned about me coming home late? If these are the kinds of defensive comments you hear streaming out your husband’s mouth it could be time to start asking even more questions.
16. Secretive use of phone and computer
Have you noticed unknown numbers popping up on your husband’s missed call log? Maybe he’s changed the password to his laptop or even has a second ‘work mobile he’s using more often? Phones and computers are a great way for adulterous couples to flirt, stay in touch and organise meetings. If you’ve noticed secrecy in the way your husband is using his devices, it could be a warning sign of infidelity.
17. Difficulty getting in touch
While a missed call or an unanswered text here and there is fine, if you’ve noticed your partner is becoming more difficult to get in touch with it could be an indicator something darker is at play. Common excuses include long work meetings, dead phones and driving. Again, these are all valid excuses in some scenarios. If you’re noticing them alongside other red flags it could be time to take action.
18. Unexplained travel
Travel can often be a normal part of business. However, if your husband is jetting off more than usual it’s worth considering if there’s another reason behind his absences. Some cheating partners will attempt to snag a weekend away with their second lovers on the grounds of business and others will take it to the next level with week-long vacations. Asking detailed questions about the travel plans is completely normal so if your husband responds with defensiveness or secrecy, there could be an ulterior motive.
19. Mysterious expenses
Strange expenses on your joint credit card can be a clear sign your husband is having an affair. Hotel stays are a major red flag, while things like expensive dinners and lunches can also suggest intimacy with another partner. Big-ticket purchases such as jewellery or handbags that never made it into your hands – or unexplained cash withdrawals – could also indicate your husband is directing his affections (and cash) elsewhere.
20. Awkwardness around friends
Unfortunately, the betrayed partner is often the last person to find out about an affair. Friends might know what’s going on but fail to step up and say something. Instead, they’ll start to act awkwardly, avoiding conversations about your husband and his movements. They may also attempt to overcompensate by being excessively friendly and nice.
21. Dodging conversations about cheating
From mutual friends to movies and the tabloids, cheating can often come up in day-to-day conversations. If you make a comment about cheating and your husband immediately freezes up or avoids eye contact, chances are he has a guilty conscience.
22. Unusual social media use
People can be incredibly bold when it comes to affairs, often believing their partners are too dim to catch on. As a result, they’ll engage in rash behaviours such as religiously liking and commenting on each other’s social media posts. If you’ve noticed an unknown lady popping up all over your husband’s feed it could be one of the major signs your husband is having an affair.
23. Strange scents
Scents can be incredibly evocative, especially when it comes to perfumes. A quick sniff test can quickly determine if your husband’s clothes are carrying traces of another woman. This can be especially useful if your husband is returning from a business trip, a night out or a weekend away with the boys.
24. Frequent mentions of another woman
Slips of the tongue can be a great way to know if your husband is thinking of another woman. Concealing an affair can be hard, especially if there’s an element of love and infatuation involved. This can often filter down into everyday conversations which can mean your husband starts to mention his mistress with surprising frequency. It’s a gauche behaviour but it’s definitely one of the major signs your partner is having an affair.
25. He accuses you of cheating
Passing the blame is a surprisingly sly move often made by cheating partners. If he’s constantly accusing you of infidelity it could be an indicator he’s engaging in the very behaviour he suspects you of.
Understanding and deciphering the signs
While the ability to notice clues and tell-tale signs is important, before you start making serious accusations it’s critical to understand that every relationship is different and has its own quirks.
Just because your husband has started going to the gym more often, presented you with a beautiful new piece of jewellery or dodged a question about his whereabouts on the weekend, it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s having an affair.
How do I know if my husband is having an affair?
Keep in mind that many of the giveaway signs he is having an affair only suggest adultery if they deviate from the normal flow of your relationship. If your sex life has been mutually lacklustre for years or your other half has always loved showing off his designer suits, he’s probably not straying.
But if you’re previously healthy sex life has fizzled out and the man who once declared his love multiple times a day has now become distant and cold, you could have an adulterous partner on your hands.
Launching a private investigation
If you truly believe your husband could be having an affair it’s definitely worth taking action. This is where private investigations can give you serious ammunition. Looking for the giveaway signs is one thing but backing your accusations with crystal-clear proof is another. At M19 Solutions, we employ the latest surveillance techniques to catch cheating partners in the act. Or in the best-case scenario, we can confirm nothing unsavoury is going on and allow you to continue with your life.
Our Cheating Partner service is underpinned by a genuine passion to uncover the truth and help people gain a deep and genuine understanding of the state of their relationships. As our clients will testify, private investigations are one of the best ways to find peace of mind when deciding what to do when you suspect your husband is cheating.
All investigations are thorough, in-depth and completely above board. We’ll deliver photographic and video evidence, as well as time logs and locations relating to the affair. Discretion is front of mind, with all our private investigators recruited from the police or military. This HM Forces experience, coupled with years of covert surveillance training, is what allows us to deliver world-class results and help you follow up on signs he is having an affair.
Will my husband find out?
What happens if we find your husband is innocent? Thanks to our highly professional and covert surveillance techniques the only person who will ever know an investigation is underway is you. This makes private investigators a great option for partners who have suspicions but don’t want to create unnecessary tension. We’ll help you determine if there’s any solid evidence of cheating, which can then be used to influence how you move forward.
We understand affairs can be traumatising but we’re here to help and will do everything we can to make the investigation as smooth and painless as possible. Advice is completely free so why not get in touch with our customer support team on 0161 706 0057 to get the ball rolling.
